Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
