Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
