I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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