I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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