I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Randomize
