Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize