dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
