maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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