Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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