Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
