Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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