I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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