youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
