1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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