The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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