it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
