Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
