dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well you can't waste a boner
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
