I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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