YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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