I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
