remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
