and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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