How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Success! We fucked roommates!
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