is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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