I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There's always time for handjobs
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm too high and old for this...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
