I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
