I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
