Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
