Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
