Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
