Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
