Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
