We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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