I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
