Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
