dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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