He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
