you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
