I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she peed on how many people?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
