Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
