I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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