I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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