dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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