just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
