when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
