and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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