I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
