what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
