he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize