Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
