I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize