I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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