Is it normal to miss your booty call?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
