Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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