I must be too annoying 4 u.
My balls are so social today.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
