At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
don't judge my taste in strippers
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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