I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
