I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
