I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
