You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
