i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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