in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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