You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I wear drunk well.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
