That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize