Who wears a wallet chain?!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
