if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
