the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize