im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
