Sry I called you an 8
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
