We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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