ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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