This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
