I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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