Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Where is the hickey?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
