I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
