Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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