I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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