my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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