he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize