Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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