i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
