he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
