Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
