Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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