so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
