On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
