And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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