We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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