Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
