I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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