Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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