I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize