It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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