Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
