It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize