did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
