like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize