Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
