Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
