Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Acid is not a monday night drug
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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