Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
